Mass Effect One Shots: A Prelude to Shakarian
by HisAsgardianAngel
Summary: Commander Shepard finds herself attracted to Nihlus after the events of Eden Prime. As the two become more and more romantically involved, however, another Turian marches into the commander's life and tragedy strikes in the most unexpected of places.
1. Part 1: Eden Prime

There were knots forming tight in Commander Shepard's stomach as she looked out the window of the SR-1, the ship she would be on board for the for-seeable future. She was listening to Captain Anderson explain to a Turian named Nihlus just why she was the one needed for this mission. He threw around words like "war" and "hero"…mentioned her upbringing on the human colony of Mindoir. But Shepard didn't feel like a hero. Anything she had done with the Alliance Navy was for the people, and keeping people safe didn't make you a hero. Not in the eyes of Jillian Shepard. It only made you what every sentient lifeform should be; kind. Nothing more, nothing less. She wasn't anything fancy, and Captain Anderson should have known it. She didn't need Nihlus getting his hopes up, she wasn't spectre material.

Jillian's lavender eyes glazed over the landscape of Eden Prime, SR-1 (less formally known as the Normandy) was preparing now to dock in the loading bay area. She nervously fiddled with her tight, blonde bun for a moment, pushing lingering feelings of fear from her mind. She had been assigned a mission, she couldn't let an emotion as primitive as fear cloud her ability to get the job done. Commander Shepard had joined the navy when she was 18 years old, after her family was slaughtered two years prior…and though one would think a history like that would leave you desensitized at best and apathetic at worst, Shepard was always nervous putting other people's lives in her own hands. Life was something precious to her.

When the air lock opened, Jillian was forced from her thoughts. She readied her armor and met up with her new squad mates, Kaidan Alenko and Jenkins; the mission clear and straightforward before them. They were to find the Prothean beacon and have it sent to the Citadel in the Widow star system of the Serpent Nebula cluster. Sounded easy enough. She glanced at both males briefly, worried she'd been unable to get to know them a little before they deployed. She liked to be able to trust her crew. Her eyes, however, lingered only on Nihlus as they stepped onto the rocky ground of the first human colony.

Turians were an alien race, known for their strong military culture and almost avian-like appearance. Commander Shepard had personally known a few back in the N7 program, and she held great respect for them as a people. It was perhaps Nihlus she wanted to get to know the most, though he did not stick around once their boots hit the ground. He worked best on his own.

The memory slipped from vision as Jillian jerked awake and sat up to rub the sleep from her eyes. Kaidan…was…dead? And Jenkins…too? _Ouch._ Her head was aching. What happened? The fear from earlier seized her heart once more, worse this time as it squeezed and constricted around her lungs. They were dead and it was her fault. Her first mission on the Normandy and she'd already failed to protect her own. She knew this would happen.

Just when she felt herself breaking inside she realized rather suddenly that she wasn't alone. Her body went rigid at the sound of Nihlus's voice, her emotions fighting to steel themselves before he noticed that she was coming apart at the seams. Commanders didn't fall apart. It took her mind a moment to collect itself, anxiety and self-doubt burrowing down as deep as it could inside of her.

"Commander?" She almost flinched.

"Nihlus. What happened on Eden Prime?" Shepard's voice was calm, smooth. She smiled inwardly, pleased with her own acting skills if nothing else. Nihlus and Dr. Chakwas were sitting by her side, watching her intently as if she were some sort of medical anomaly.

"You don't remember?" She remembered very little about the actual mission, even the deaths of her squad mates were fuzzy, new memories, memories she didn't recognize as her own floating around in her head.

"Kaidan and Jenkins didn't make it, killed in action…and I met a woman…" Dr. Chakwas nodded.

"Gunnery Chief Williams is upstairs. You saved her life, Commander." Jillian shook her head, kicking herself mentally as she replayed every memory she could in her head, burning them into her brain.

"Not good enough. I should have done more for Alenko…what happened to Jenkins was more out of my hands, but Kaidan would be alive right now if I had been more careful with that beacon." Nihlus shook his head grimly.

"It's not your fault that one of those bombs went off before it could be disabled. You didn't have time to do it all _and_ secure the beacon." Jillian scoffed, her expression darkening as she bit her lip hard.

"I'm an engineer, sir. It is absolutely my fault." There was a silence in the room for a moment, Shepard's gaze leaving Nihlus's eyes just long enough to notice he was out of his armor, torso wrapped tightly in gauze. She didn't ask, but she didn't have to. He could feel her eyes on him.

"We have a bigger problem than the geth, Shepard. My old friend Saren has turned his back on council, shot me right in the back. Thankfully Joker was able to dispatch enough medi-gel to get me back onboard the Normandy safely, but I'm afraid that Saren wanted something to do with that beacon. You came into contact with it, is there anything you can let us know?" Shepard took a breath, trying to sort through everything in her head. Did she know anything? What were the false memories? Side effects or clues? Hallucinations? Dr. Chakwas interjected before she had a moment to respond.

"I detected abnormal brain activity, as if you were lost in an intense form of REM sleep, almost like you were dreaming." Shepard shook her head. There was no way it was all just a dream.

"I saw…death and destruction…a vision…" Jillian was sure, though her confidence slipped as the words came out of her mouth. _I sound crazy…_

"I should file a report, see what Captain Anderson—" Unexpectedly, Nihlus cut her off.

"No need. I was planning on debriefing the Commander back in her quarters anyway. Shall we, Shepard?" Nihlus's voice was serious, tone clipped in a manner that surprised her. Jillian had worked with Nihlus in the past, on a few missions before being officially assigned to the Normandy; that was one of the reasons she knew he was considering her for spectre status. She'd never known Nihlus to be curt with her. Regardless, the Turian was a man she deeply respected and she followed his order without hesitation, turning dutifully on her heel to backtrack toward the elevators.

Jillian walked into the small room and shut the door behind Nihlus, who unexpectedly took a seat at the foot of her bed. The spectre seemed to be full of surprises tonight. She furrowed her pale eyebrows, staring intently into the piercing jade green eyes of the male before her.

"Forgive me, sir, but—" Nihlus held up a hand to silence the commander, his expression seeming to melt before her eyes. He appeared more nervous now than anything, and it was a look that knotted Shepard's stomach. This was one of the strongest men she knew…what had he to be nervous about? Saren? Eden Prime? When he finally spoke, she was perplexed to find the answer to be none of the above.

"Were you afraid?" Jillian's eyebrows rose and a light, airy chuckle fell from her lips with a grace that did not go unnoticed by the Turian.

"Afraid of what? The fact that you were clearly bringing my ass up here to fire me? Sure!" She teased, though he seemed to seriously contemplate her words. A flash of worry flooded his rich, dark face.

"Is that what you think? You were nearly fried by a Prothean Beacon and you were frightened that I thought you underperformed?" The Commander was at a loss for words; she had not anticipated a literal response to what she'd said. Should have known with Nihlus…he'd never really been the sarcastic type.

"What's really going on here, Nihlus? Something is bothering you, I can tell. Is it Saren? I know that must be hard for you." She moved to sit at his side, watching curiously as his body seemed to tighten almost uncomfortably. She was concerned for a moment that she'd overstepped some sort of boundary.

"No…well yes, but Saren isn't the reason I asked to speak to you privately." Jillian waited patiently for Nihlus to finish his response, her eyes gravitating back to the bareness of his chest. He was very interesting to look at…she had never seen a Turian without armor before. She wasn't going to lie, she liked it. She was lost in these thoughts when she heard Nihlus whisper 'I can't do this.'

"Wait what? Where are you going?" Shepard interrogated quickly, disappointment etched into her tone as she realized that he was leaving. She had always liked Nihlus, he was the kind of guy she could see herself with if she ever allowed herself to settle down. Now that he was here she didn't want him running off without at least an explanation. Nihlus didn't say anything, continuing toward the door until Shepard grabbed hold of his arm. The Turian went rigid for a moment and a moment only, whipping himself around and pinning Jillian to the wall behind them sharply. Her eyes were wide with surprise, and Nihlus took a few calming breathes before he leaned in to plant a soft kiss against the commander's lips.

Jillian held him against her body hard, deepening the kiss as her hands very gently glided over the long, sturdy mandibles on his face. She'd never felt anything like it…his skin was like a soft rubber or the leather on a football. It was firm, but soft enough to still feel like epidermis. She flicked her tongue against it curiously, eliciting a laugh from the spectre as he slowly pulled away.

"I apologize if that was out of line, but I've been meaning to do that ever since you first graduated the N7 program. I've never known a human that can do the things that you do…or that is beautiful as you are." He admitted quietly, backing up a bit as he respectfully left Jillian the proper space to decide if this was something she wanted to pursue or not. A lopsided smile curled up into the corner of her mouth.

"You're not the only one standing here that is amazed at the loveliness of another race." She breathed, reaching to very lightly trace a pattern onto one of the plates on his chest. He shivered.

"Listen, Shepard. I know that you and I don't really know one another that well, but if you're willing I would like for that to change. I've asked to stay onboard the Normandy for the foreseeable future." Jillian was floored. _What?_ Had asked who? Shepard had never had anyone come on to her this seriously before. It was honestly very flattering…very romantic. She'd never imagined he was interested in her in that way, no matter how many times she'd drooled over him when the teams would drink together after missions. A flirt here…a flirt there…but this? This was intense.

"Nihlus." His name on her lips was soft, sweet; it did something to him that he couldn't explain. He waited with baited breath for her to finally say something, nuzzling into her hand as she very tenderly caressed the side of his face. For the first time all day the commander's nervousness about being aboard a new vessel completely dissolved and her pouty pink lips gently lifted into a bright smile.

"Welcome aboard, Kryik." The Turian's entire expression changed, a sort of hopefulness welling inside of him that was completely and utterly contagious.

"I'm looking forward to it, Commander."


	2. Part 2: Noveria

Noveria was a planet as cold and inimical as the people who chose to reside there. There were many onboard the Normandy who were understandably a little iffy about landing there; Commander Shepard included. No one wanted to be on a planet so cold that they had to take a Mako out to even survive any journey they might have to brave outside of civilian dwellings.

That being said, the Council had just promoted the commander to Spectre status, and Captain Anderson had been forced to step down; leaving Jillian in full command of the SR-1. This unwanted upgrade came with a new set of orders, orders that had pissed all over any credibility Nihlus thought his words held. Sure, Saren had gone rouge and tried to nearly fillet the other Turian on Eden Prime, but Nihlus's account of what happened _just wasn't good enough_. No, not even Jillian's visions from the beacon had been enough to sway the council. Instead, they had had to gallivant around the Citadel until they finally dug up some answers; gaining three new companions in the process, who helped get Saren stripped of his status. Stripping Saren of his Spectre status, however, was only the first step in stopping his work with the Geth.

After rescuing an Asari doctor on a planet called Therum, they had been working for a good while on Jillian's grasp of the memories the Prothean Beacon had put in her head. Do a mission for N7, who Shepard was still technically working for, work with Dr. T'soni on the vision, look for Saren, repeat. There had even been some tender moments with Nihlus, and a wonderful friendship with one of her new squad mates, Garrus Vakarian, had blossomed into a bond that Shepard had never shared with another person. But now all of that had to halt in its tracks because the council thought the corporates on the colony of Noveria were showing signs of interest in the Geth. The Geth were a race of networked AI, who wouldn't be interested in that?

Despite her slight annoyance, Commander Shepard was a good soldier, and she almost always did as she was told. So here she was, walking around on a base in the middle of a hostile blizzard planet that reminded her of that old space movie from 203 years back…what was it called…The Empire Strikes Back? Her great-grandfather had really liked that movie; it was considered a classic in pre-mass-effect-discovery historical fiction. Jillian was pushed from that nostalgia as her eyes zeroed in on a Turian sitting alone at the hotel bar. He matched the description of the man she was looking for. Turian, dark, white sun-stripe like markings. She had been told he could get her a garage pass, which she desperately needed as clearance to get off this base and catch up with Matriarch Benezia, whom she'd learned by happy accident was here on business.

Shepard exchanged quick glances with Nihlus and Garrus, her chosen party for most missions these days, and the trio carefully approached the man they hoped held the key to their departure—literally.

"Afternoon! Sit down, have a drink, what can I do for you?" The Turian said immediately, a playful and friendly tone in his voice as he gestured toward one of the empty chairs before him.

"Are you Lorik Qu'in? I've heard you might be able to help me." This seemed to spark an interest in the one they called Lorik, who leaned in closer.

"You're the spectre that just arrived, are you not? What can an old Turian like me possibly help you with?" There was a hint of flirtation in his voice, though Jillian was in official business mode and it went largely unnoticed by her.

"I'm trying to find a way into the garage. I have places to go." It almost felt like Lorik would have smirked if he had had lips.

"You need a pass. How fortuitous. I'm the manager of the local Synthetic Insights Office. For the moment, at least. Mr. Anoleis closed my office, he claims to be investigating reports of my corruption. The administrator is an interesting man; he has become quite wealthy since he took direct control of rents." Jillian raised a perfectly arched eyebrow.

"I sense a connection there."

"Indeed. I acquired evidence of Anoleis' actions. His hired goons are ransacking my office to find it. I suspect your goal lies outside this port. Mr. Anoleis would be disinclined to let you wander. If you recover the evidence from my office I will give you my garage pass, as well as a sum of credits." Shepard mulled this over in her head for a few moments. It seemed logical and frankly symbiotic to help out in this situation.

"You have a plan?"

"I do. However, there is one other—what is that charming human expression? Fly in the lotion?" Shepard wanted to giggle, expecting Garrus to pipe up with something snarky, she loved it when he did that…but he was being uncharacteristically quiet. Now that she thought about it…so was Nihlus.

"Violence against Mr. Anoleis's thugs may be necessary. He has members of Hanshan's security team searching my offices. He's paying them under the table, Ms. Matsuo is unaware of their outside employment." Lorik continued. Shepard chewed her lip, wondering whether or not doing this Turian's dirty work was going to be worth innocent lives. Well…perhaps innocent wasn't the best word…

"I'll focus on trying to get your evidence. If I'm lucky, I won't have to fight anyone." She could feel Lorik's mood automatically brighten, though it had been pretty bright to begin with.

"Excellent! Here is my pass to our offices, it will activate the elevator. The evidence is on my office computer. This OSD contains any encryption key to access it. Slide it into the drive and it will auto-execute. Oh and do try to keep bloodstains off the carpets, would you?" Shepard was about to smart off to that last comment, though Garrus finally piped up and beat her to it.

"Oh? No description of what you're gonna do to her if she doesn't?" His tone was dripping with sarcasm, and it was almost hard to tell if it was playful teasing or a warning for the other Turian to back off. One thing was for certain…it rubbed Nihlus the wrong way. His green eyes darted from Shepard to Garrus and back again, narrowing into slits at his friend.

"You have a problem, Vakarian?" Garrus titled his head to the right in that cute little cocky way of his and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, I just thought Commander Shepard might want to know there's more than one flavor Turian in this galaxy. Food for thought." Jillian's brow furrowed at this, glancing slowly at both her teammates before looking at Lorik, who was absolutely speechless. He seemed as perplexed as she was. She didn't speak, nodding a goodbye at Qu'in and using his pass to enter a nearby elevator. When the cold, metallic doors slid to a close, Commander Shepard pressed the appropriate number and took a deep breath.

"Anyone wanna tell me what the hell that was about?" Unanimously, as if rehearsed, both men shook their heads curtly and responded with a deadpan "nope." Jillian decided not to press the issue for now, she had so much more on her mind that needed to be dealt with. It was so strange though…she'd never ever seen either one of them act that way before.

They made their way to the Synthetic Insights Office in utter silence. It was an awkward, yet welcoming quiet. Anything was better than having to watch the two people closest to her in all the galaxy biting one another's heads off. There was one more elevator, nearest the garage. The squad dropped silently into the office, exchanged a few words with some guards who decided they weren't paid enough to fight off two spectres and a C-sec officer, and then hit the walls to take cover. Shepard reloaded her Avenger 1 assault rifle and fired off a few rounds at the handful of thugs who remained in the room. Garrus was crouched low, sniper rifle aimed and ready to make heads roll from a distance, and Nihlus was making quick work of the closest enemies, keeping them off of Jillian and Garrus's backs. They were a great team, the three of them…Shepard really hoped whatever was going on between them wasn't going to change that. It didn't take them long to clear the room, glancing around cautiously before Nihlus finally cleared his throat to speak.

"Okay, Garrus, I need you to take these files back to Lorik and meet us in front of the hotel doors. The counsel informed me there is a Spectre Terminal not far from this office. There are a few things on this base that need clearance from both Shepard and I, it won't take long." This was news to Jillian, and she suspected there might be ulterior motives to this sudden announcement, but she chose not to say anything. If Nihlus wanted her alone then there was something seriously bothering him, and she was always going to be here for him when he needed her. Besides, there was no one she trusted more than Garrus, she knew he could get the job done. Garrus thought about it for a moment, locking eyes with Shepard for a long, meaningful moment. His expression and body language said it all, he was letting her know that he'd do whatever was necessary…but only on her orders, not Nihlus's. She nodded to him with a lopsided smile, earning a nod in return as he turned his back to his higher ups.

"Sure thing, Commander." The couple waited a bit, watching as Garrus traveled back up the elevator to the main floors. Once the coast was clear, Nihlus quickly bolted the door to the Synthetic Insights Office and hit the lights, backing Shepard up against one of the desks. Perhaps a bit unexpectedly, he did not touch her further. Nihlus gazed at Jillian for a few good moments, as if contemplating how he wanted to open up to her. He scratched the back of his neck nervously, breaking their eye contact to stare down at the floor beneath them.

"I need you to be honest with me, Jill. What is the nature of your relationship with Garrus?" Jillian blinked stupidly at him for a moment.

"Wait…is that what that was all about earlier? Nihlus…Garrus is my best friend. Do I love him? Absolutely." The Turian paled a little at her words, but Shepard's smile was warm as she gently reached to thread their fingers together. She pressed her body tight against his own and nuzzled her face lovingly into the crook of his neck.

"But I am _in_ love with you." She whispered softly, kissing and nipping at the soft flesh just below his mandibles. Nihlus groaned in both relief and ecstasy as he allowed her to kiss and bite him, running his fingers along her armor with the intent to find a way out of it. She gave him a hand, pieces of white and pink scattering about as her armor clattered happily to the ground. He had her bare breasts in his hands before long, one talon fretting about with a nipple gently while his long, blue tongue went to work with the other. Jillian mewled and attempted to grind into him, though he was still clothed and her armor was still on from the waist down. She whined a little, beginning to tug on Nihlus's own armor, though he raised a hand up to gently discourage her.

"We can't, you know we can't, not right now." Shepard stuck her bottom lip out, hoping it would be enough to sway the Turian otherwise. It wasn't fair…she was all hot and bothered now, how was she supposed to just pick the mission back up like nothing happened? Her bits between her thighs were _burning_ , begging for him to touch her.

"Please?" Nihlus laughed, licking up her neck with that gifted tongue one last time, and pressing a long hard kiss against the Commanders lips.

"You'd better get dressed, Shepard. We have to meet your boyfriend back at the bar." He teased, earning a roll of the eyes from his girlfriend.

"Now you sound like Garrus. Am I being punished for something?" Nihlus only winked, turning to walk away before stopping suddenly, as if he had just remembered something extremely important.

"Oh, and…Shepard?" He took a few steps toward her and very delicately pressed a kiss to the middle of her forehead.

"I love you too."


	3. Part 3: Virmire

Tensions had risen on the Normandy since the death of Matriarch Benezia on Noveria. Commander Shepard had been wracked with guilt, having not known the visit with the Matriarch would have to end in a bloodbath. Benezia was Liara T'Soni's mother…how could she even stand to look her comrade in the eyes? Liara claimed to be alright, but having lost her own mother years ago, Jillian knew that wasn't true. There is something different about every single daughter who has lost a mother, whether that mother was deserving of her child's love or not. It is a wound that will heal…on the surface, but in the end you will never ever be completely whole again.

On top of that, things between Nihlus and Garrus had seemingly gone back too normal, though Shepard could still feel them low key competing with one another when they thought she wouldn't notice. Eleven colonists were saved at Zhu's Hope on Feros in the meantime, there were five casualties…five lives that Shepard should have been able to save on top of the Asari Matriarch. Jillian was almost positive that the only reason Garrus and Nihlus were pretending to get along was to keep her glued together; because they were the only two people in all the galaxy that knew she was a stitch away from falling apart. How many had it been now…the colonists, Liara's mom, Kaidan, Jenkins…eight lives that she could count on her fingers? Probably even more than that?

Shepard splashed cold water on her face from the lake and took a deep breath. She needed to snap out of this funk. There were people counting on her to find the conduit and beat Saren into the ground, things that were going to require she keep a sharp mind. She could feel strong arms wrap around her waist, six long fingers tenderly holding her in place as she wiggled to turn around in his arms.

"Nihlus?" He hummed lightly and watched as her beautiful, big purple-flecked eyes looked up at him from underneath her eyelashes.

"Are you feeling alright, Jill?" He asked quietly, taking notice in the slight frown that graced her features for a moment. She sighed.

"I don't know, Nihlus. I feel like every time I do good I do bad too, like I lose more people than I save." The Turian tilted her chin up gently, forcing her to look him in the eyes.

"You're saving lives just by being here, Shepard. Saren is a real threat, and when we see him brought to justice the entire galaxy is going to be a safer place. You can't help what happens in the meantime; you're a soldier, you know as good as anyone that sometimes innocent people get caught in the crossfire and there's nothing you can do to stop it. But you know what you can do?" Jillian was silent, taking comfort in the warmth of his embrace as a breeze blew through the stagnant Virmire air.

"You can make sure those we've lost don't die in vain." Shepard knew he was right, pressing a loving kiss to one of his mandibles as she pulled out of his arms with a sigh and a lopsided grin.

"How is it you always know exactly what I wanna hear?" The Spectre never got the opportunity to respond as the Captain of the Salarian reconnaissance team approached the couple with Ashley in tow. Salarians were a welcomed change from the Geth Armatures they had been trudging through all day, and Shepard smiled brightly at him. She knew Captain Kirrahe was tired, they had already had an altercation with their teammate Wrex earlier, who had just found out Saren had a cure for a disease that was crippling his race. Despite the Krogan pulling a gun on her, she had been able to talk him out of anything rash. She knew how awful the Genophage was, and if there was anything she could do about it in the future, Wrex would have every available resource, he knew that.

What they didn't know, was what would befall them all when Kirrahe asked for Ashley to accompany him and his team to the AA Tower, which Shepard happily allowed because she knew it would be a good opportunity for Ash to get to prove herself. She knew she was a good soldier, she'd protect the Salarian's at all cost. However, this also meant that she had had to send her beloved Nihlus off to defend the bomb that they were to use to destroy Saren's base. Her heart was tight within her chest as she fought her way through legions upon legions of geth…her best friends Garrus and Wrex fighting valiantly at her side. She could feel Garrus's eyes on her as she tore the synthetics limb from limb; his piercing grey eyes seeing straight through her soul. He knew she was worried, that her heart was shredding itself to pieces. He could feel it.

"I'm sure he's fine." He offered gently at a moment of reprise, Jillian's heart thumping in her ears as she contemplated whether or not this was the calm before the storm. She turned to look at him, the tired look etched into her lavender eyes surprising him. Garrus was used to seeing Shepard at her best, she was always a bright beacon of hope. But now…now she looked a heartbeat away from giving up and it was breaking him up inside. She sighed.

"He better be. He promised." Garrus shuffled his feet uncomfortably at that, watching her still as she almost visibly built her walls back up. She shot him a half smile that didn't reach her eyes and loaded her Avenger Assault Rifle with another round of ammo. Garrus shrugged and tried to do what he did best, force that pretty smile into those lonely eyes of hers.

"Eh, Shepard, you know you aren't trained to use that weapon. Sure you don't want help?" Jillian laughed at his condescending tone, a real laugh, what he'd hoped for.

"Fuck pistols, they cramp my style. Now are you coming or not?" She asked, slinging her gun into place and turning her back to him; leaving the Turian wanting so much more.

"Absolutely." Wrex followed behind the pair, trying harder than he'd like to admit to keep himself from vomiting up his lunch. Garrus was sickly sweet to their Commander, and no one seemed to take any notice. There was a line between playful banter and flirtation…and damn, did those two have an uncomfortable amount of chemistry. The Krogan grunted, half in approval and half in awe that Nihlus hadn't kicked the shit out of their teammate yet. That was a thought…he wondered if he could arrange that, he'd put good money on Vakarian. On second thought…what was he doing under the command of a crazy Turian-lover? Wrex amused himself with that thought for only a moment longer, as the trio ran into a severe complication.

A Geth dropship flew overhead, preventing them from advancing along the bridge back to the necessary elevator. Jillian needed that elevator to get back to the bombsite…to get back to her Nihlus. She pressed her earpiece frantically, radioing back to the Spectre, knowing full well that they were running out of time. Before she could get a word in, Nihlus's voice, cracked and broken echoed in her ear.

"The Geth have overrun the bombsite, we're out of time, Jill." He only called her by her first name in private…so this was bad. Her heart froze, blood screeching to a halt inside her body. What was he going to do? This was her brother in arms, her friend, her lover…she'd come to care more about him since Eden Prime than she'd allowed herself to love anything since her family died. This wasn't happening, she had to get to him.

"Can you hold them off?" She shouted, trying to shut down the emotions flooding through her voice, though she knew she had failed when she saw Garrus's face. The look seemed written on the entire canvas of his body and it made her flinch. It was pure, unadulterated grief. He knew. He knew and it was killing him to see her like this; because he was in love with her. The thought had never so much as breached her mind until that very moment…her best friend in all the galaxy…Garrus Vakarian was in love with her. Jillian inhaled sharply, trying to steady and steel her feelings as she heard Nihlus reply in a dead and grave voice.

"There are too many Shep, I don't think we can hold them off. I'm activating the nuke." She didn't know what came over her, but all of a sudden Jillian was overcome by an intense rage. What did he mean he was setting off the nuke? He couldn't do that…he couldn't die.

"What the hell are you doing Nihlus?!" She barked in frustration, the desperation in her voice making even Wrex turn his face away from the sight before him.

"Making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what." Nihlus's voice softened a bit, an apology on the lips of a soon to be angel. Shepard felt the sheer palpable grasp of his inevitable death tighten around her throat, as if death itself had taken hold of her. She felt it to the core of her, every decibel in his voice gently bidding her goodbye. He was offering himself up as a martyr.

"It's done, Jill. Now you listen to me, you go get the Chief and get the hell out of here." There was no time to respond before Ashley broke through the transmission from the AA Tower.

"Belay that. We can handle ourselves, go back and get Nihlus." Jillian didn't know what to do, on one hand Nihlus was the man she loved…and on the other, he was also Ashley's superior, and therefore by Military standing the proper choice to leave behind. How on Earth does someone make that kind of decision? Even if she wasn't in love with Nihlus…this was two lives in her hands.

"Jillian don't you dare. I want to do this, it's my duty. I know that you're a strong woman. You've never needed anyone but yourself. But this once, Jill…please, let me protect you. Gunnery Chief Williams has a bright future ahead of her and she'll be more of an asset to your cause than I can be. You know it's the right choice." Ashley scoffed, sounding almost offended.

"Commander—" Jillian cut her off, a deep wail sitting un-verbalized in her chest as she forced herself to utter her decision. She knew he was right, she knew…and he wasn't taking no for an answer, that's just the kind of person he was.

"N-Nihlus." There was a brief silence, a heartbroken lull in conversation before Nihlus very gently whispered "Take care of her, Garrus." Garrus looked down at the floor with a single nod and a heavy sigh.

"Always." Shepard didn't know what to do…wasn't even sure she could move. She was lost in her thoughts and emotions, her heart bleeding as the rest of her body went numb to the world around her. This couldn't be happening to her again…she couldn't lose everything all over again!

"Commander." Garrus's voice was delicate, kind…and yet it was also firm and urgent. It was his way of saying 'I'm sorry for your loss but we're officially out of time'. It did its job, forcing Jillian into full N7 Combat mode as she blinked back her tears and gave the Turian a curt nod. Garrus and Wrex sprinted after Shepard as she raced toward the tower, every leap and bound like a hurdle through a different emotion. She just needed a moment…her walls needed a second to rebuild. If she could just get to the Normandy, if she could just leave it behind on this awful, awful planet and never think of it again it would all be okay…right? That was just going to have to be good enough. Her heart froze over as she ran aimlessly toward Ashley's location, stopping only when she heard her Krogan companion curse under his breath. _Shit._ Saren was at the AA Tower. Jillian's mind flashed back to Eden Prime…how Nihlus had had to be bandaged up and medi-gelled the hell out of because of this rat bastard. Oh…this had always been personal, but now…now she was going to kill Saren herself. She ran toward the former Spectre without a moment's hesitation—drawing her gun and firing several rounds straight at his heart. There was no use, his shield was impenetrable.

"This has been an impressive diversion, Shepard. My Geth were utterly convinced the Salarians were the real threat. Of course it was all for nothing, I can't let you disrupt what I have accomplished here. You can't possibly understand what's really at stake." Shepard growled almost inhumanly, her fingers becoming steel around her weapon.

"Why are you doing this?!"

"You've seen the vision from the beacons, Shepard. You of all people should understand what the Reapers are capable of. They cannot be stopped. Do not mire yourself in pointless revolt. Do not sacrifice everything for the sake of petty freedoms. The Protheans tried to fight, and they were utterly destroyed. Trillions dead, but what if they had bowed before the invaders? Would the Protheans still exist? Is submission not preferable to extinction?" Shepard scoffed loudly, giving no more thought to his words than a child would think of think of taxes.

"Do you really believe the Reapers will let us live?"

"Now you see why I never came forward to the Council. We organics are driven by emotion instead of logic. We will fight even when we know we cannot win. But if we work with the Reapers—if we make ourselves useful—think how many lives could be spared! Once I understood this, I joined Sovereign, though I was aware of the…dangers. I had hoped this facility could protect me." There was abhorrence filled in every cell of Jillian's body as she looked on this…this…what could she even call him that was suited ill enough? Commander Shepard had never hidden her favor for Turian men, but the person before her was no Turian; he wasn't deserving of that title. The Turian race were a proud people, an upstanding military society, a tightly knit fellowship of brothers in arms. Saren was nothing but a coward.

"You're afraid Sovereign is influencing you. You're afraid he's controlling your thoughts." She taunted, a sneer twisting her pallid complexion into a frighteningly dark countenance.

"I've studied the effects of indoctrination. The more control Sovereign exerts, the less capable the subject becomes. That is my saving grace. Sovereign needs me to find the Conduit. My mind is still my own…for now. But the transformation from ally to servant can be subtle. I will not let it happen to me." That arrogant fool had another thing coming to him if he thought for one moment that he wasn't already right where the Reapers wanted him, that he hadn't been from the very beginning.

"Sovereign's manipulating you and you don't even know it! You're already under its power!" The rage had begun to boil over; as Saren droned on about the benefits of synthetics and organics fusing for the good of the collective whole something was snapping inside of Shepard. She couldn't take it anymore. She calibrated her omni-tool to its highest overload setting and then reached back without a moment's hesitation, taking hold of one of Garrus's hands and giving it a firm squeeze. Garrus's heart leapt into his throat for a moment, though with one look at her he knew what this meant. She was giving him a signal. He watched very carefully, waiting for the precise moment that the overload function all but disintegrated Saren's shields. Now! Garrus shot a round from his sniper gun with diamond like precision; the bullet would have hit Saren right between the eyes…had some sort of biotic force field not deflected it.

"Goddamn it." He cursed under his breath, freezing in horror as the former Spectre dropped his own gun and barreled toward Shepard. Garrus watched as the silvery hands of the other Turian grasped at the neck of the woman he loved, as he held her body out from the tower like you'd hang laundry to dry. His throat seized up…is this what Shepard had been feeling just moments earlier with Nihlus? He loaded his sniper rifle at lightning speed, but it didn't matter. Shepard tore into Saren's face with a hard uppercut, her body dropping safely to the platform below as Saren skidded across the ground. Garrus and Wrex were both stunned for a moment, only able to watch as Jillian struggled bravely to her feet and attempted to fight this indoctrinated asshole with her bare hands. The point was moot, however, as Saren rolled quickly to his hovering platform and began to make an escape as Joker swooped in on a shuttle to grab Ashley and go. There was no time, they'd have to catch Saren another day. Jillian didn't want to go; she didn't want to leave this godforsaken planet without avenging who—for all she knew—was the love of her life. But Garrus wasn't giving her a choice. He grabbed onto the commander's wrist and tugged hard, met with slight resistance at first, though eventually he tugged the stubborn engineer onto the shuttle with Ash and Wrex as they raced the clock back to the Normandy.

Once in the airlock, the Normandy's decontamination process began. By now they were surely safely off Virmire and headed toward a mass relay…it was over, done. Nihlus was dead. Shepard sighed as the ships VI announced completion of the sanitation, the doors opening up to the rest of the ship with a swoosh and a gust of cool air. Wrex walked back onboard the ship without a second glance back at Shepard, but Garrus didn't move an inch. When Jillian made a move toward the door her friend hit a button on the side of the wall, closing and locking the airlock. Shepard raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

"Uh…Garrus?" Vakarian was quiet for several beats, just looking at her, drinking her in. He didn't know what he wanted or needed to say, he just knew that it was what was best for her. She was devastated, he didn't need to be familiar with a lot of humans to see that.

"You know…Shepard…I don't know how much contact you've really had with Turians in your lifetime, but there is this thing we do with our voices called subharmonics. Humans aren't equipped with the hearing necessary to pick it up, but it's sort of a way for us to speak without speaking…it's a sound, a smell…it's involuntary. It's how we convey emotions. Look…I guess all I'm trying to say is…I know how much Nihlus loved you. He didn't have to admit it to anyone, it was written in his every vocal pattern, every breath. You were a very important woman to him. You shouldn't forget that, Commander." Jillian blinked numbly at him.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do Garrus, but I'm fine, really. Don't worry about me." She lied, throwing up a half assed attempt at a smile and waving him off with a gesture toward the door. He took a step toward her, very slowly pulling her against his chest and holding her there in an awkward little embrace.

"Don't you bullshit me, Shepard. I'm supposed to be your best friend, remember?" The words best friend sounded weird coming from his lips now, like he was torturing himself in order to make her smile. It wounded her, and the wave of emotions she'd been holding back washed over her like a tsunami. She gripped Garrus tightly, her face nuzzling him gently as she wept harshly into the crook of his neck. He didn't say anything else and he didn't have to. Garrus held her until his arms could hold her no longer, until there were no more tears left for her to cry. He held her like it would be the last time he was able, and though it shredded her inside with a guilt she hadn't felt in years…she allowed him to do it. She needed him to do it.

"It hurts…it hurts so bad." She whimpered, a very tender 'shhhh' coming from her friend as one of his hands very delicately caressed her back in a soothing motion.

"I've got you. I've got you." And truer words had never been spoken. Garrus would keep his promise to Nihlus, he'd be there for her until the moment he took his dying breath. But he wasn't about to pretend it was because Nihlus asked; no, he was going to do it because there was no one out there on any planet of any star system that was going to compare to the woman he had in his arms right that very second. If she never reciprocated what he felt for her that was fine, in fact he didn't expect that of her in the slightest. However, there would be no Vakarian without Shepard—of that he was certain, and he was willing to spend the rest of his life following his commander to the ends of the galaxy…her galaxy. What Turian could ever ask for more?


End file.
